Horrifying. Standing there just skin and bones, his eyes are all dark and sunken in his face. I watched as the guards removed his shackles. He had a look of panic and confusion on his pale white face. Each time the guards came near him to unlock another lock on his shackles he would flinch.
I tapped on the glass.
looked at me
squinting his eyes. I was smiling and waving at him. At first there was just a
blank stare. Once the guards had left the room and locked the door (size of a
telephone booth), Nikko
shook his head as if he had some type of recognition. There is a small opening
in the glass to allow communication. You need to put your mouth right near the
opening so the other person can hear you. " Nikko Nikko,
! It's me
I was able to feed him. Extremely hungry. This is when he told me:
Heather: Yes I know. Why? Why are you not eating?
N: The food is really disgusting.
H: Yes, I know that
. I know there are
cockroaches in the food and sometimes the they put things in it as well. But Nikko why are you not
eating? With much shame and in a very low voice he told me. Nikko,
N: I don't know.
This is when I explained to
what has been
happening to him for the past couple of years, what has been happening to his
brain. Due to long term solitary confinement. All of that psychosis is the
voices you've been hearing. Not wanting to leave your cell or your bunk for
that matter. Just stopped eating. It's because parts of your brain have died. Nikko
It's not just you, it would happen to any human being subjected to such torturous conditions. I started talking about all of the research. Then I started telling him about all of the people that have suffered through the same things he has and is. His eyes got real big.
Listening to every word I said. With comfort and much relief. At the same time,
is inhaling the food, constantly
looking over his shoulder. Flinching if someone passed by. Nikko
, what do you think of Dr. Biskey? Nikko
, your doctor is Dr. Biskey? Nikko
N: I don't know who that is.
, who is your doctor? Nikko
N: Ummm, Dr. Greenfield?
H: You've been seen by Dr.Greenfield once or twice. When you first got here to Union CI.
, how did they know you were not
N: The inmates.
H: What inmates?
N: The inmates next to my cell. One of the inmates noticed my food tray. All the food was on it. He told the other inmates. They kept watching my trays. "Boy you need to eat!"
H: What did you say?
N: Nothing. I don't talk to nobody. The inmates started screaming at the guards everyday. "Boy's not eating, boy's not eating!" This went on for a long time. Yeah, I thought I was going to get in trouble. But I couldn't mom.
H: It's OK
. Then what happen? Nikko
N: The inmate started screaming, "boy going to die in there, boy is going to die." Like a week and a half ago a guard took me out of cell. He weighed me.
H: Did you see the doctor then?
K: No. The guard said, "you know what's good for you, YOU going to eat!"
H: Like a threat?
I told him there is an army of people out here that care for him and are also fighting for him. He was very surprised. I asked him if he would like to receive some letters or a notes from some of the people (in his army) that really do care about him. He smiled and shook his head, yes.
I was very strong in front of
. I was
very specific on what I wanted him to do. I told him he needed to exercise
within his cell every day, his body and his brain. He needed to eat. I
would keep money in his account so he could get food from a commissary (closed
management inmates are only allowed 3-4 bags of chips a week). Nikko
I'm devastated. When I was leaving,
stood up. "Where are you going mom?" He had that look of fear. He looked
a child. Standing there just skin and bones, his eyes are all dark and his face
sunken in. Nikko
N: Are you coming back?
N: Are you coming back?
H: Yes! As soon as they let me!
I put my hand on the glass.
did as well. I'm so
devastated. It's actually worse than I thought. He's receiving absolutely no
care at all.He hasn't even had a civil conversation of any kind in years. This
is the best I can do for now. I can't even reread it. I'm sure there's typos
and everything, I'm sorry. I'm destroyed I haven't stopped crying and I haven't